Do you ever look at old pictures, or hear an old song and are instantly reminded of the past. When you think about it, you should think good thoughts. Lately..
..I've been thinking really down on myself. Like, I heard Matisyahu "Unique is my Dove" and I remembered Luke used to sing that to me all the time. Which is cute right? But it's not cute if the relationship just out of nowhere..sank. I blame him. And that's ok..because if he was honest with me about "us" things wouldn't have gone on so long. It's not like I want him to feel bad or I hate him or anything..no. I just hate the fact I wasn't for someone. Tell me is there anything bad about being this kind of girlfriend:
- cook, clean
- into what you're into but still have my own things going on
- don't need to text you or get a text everyday or talk to you all the time, at least not on my behalf..but if you need me I'm there
- make moments special
- compliment you
- push you to reach your goals and dreams
..and so much more.
I don't get it. How could someone NOT like me? Am I so insufficient that people don't see me? I almost don't see myself anymore. I'm sooooo lost in myself right now. Not in a bad way..just that I feel held back. I want to do so much but it's like I can't.
I can't find what I'm supposed to do..I feel like I'm floating through life right now, like there is no purpose. Melancholy I know!
I guess it's just payback for me doing the exact same thing to my ex Jack. But I learnt my lesson..twice now. I like being single. I don't mind. I just..don't understand why out of my friends and family I'm so left behind in relationships.
Or anything. Maybe I just miss having a job..and friends..and music. I miss going to Dailys and Codys. And hanging out. I really miss just sitting around with Doug and hanging out and talking and watching him paint. Or medcicles-and other things.
Ah well, tomorrow is a new day.
I have alot to overcome.
One step at a time.
5 October 2008